Lily Ostler
Individual & Couples Therapist
I believe therapy should be a space where you can actually show up as yourself. Messy, thoughtful, overwhelmed, self aware, avoidant, emotional, curious, guarded, funny, uncertain, all of it. My style is warm, relational, and engaged. I want you to feel safe enough to be honest, supported enough to explore difficult things, and comfortable enough to be yourself while we figure out what comes next.
As a queer therapist, I especially enjoy working with queer individuals, queer couples, and people exploring relationships outside of traditional structures, including polyamory and ENM. I work with individuals and couples navigating relationship challenges, intimacy, sexuality, emotional regulation, trauma, attachment patterns, identity exploration, communication, anxiety, self worth, and major life transitions.
A common thread in my work is supporting people through periods of transition, uncertainty, and growth, whether that’s in their relationships, sexuality, identity, career, or sense of direction. You might be navigating a new relationship, considering a major relationship milestone, questioning what you want, or trying to figure out how to build a life that actually feels like your own. Sometimes you already have a pretty good sense of what’s going on, but still find yourself stuck in the same relationship patterns, struggling to communicate openly, feeling disconnected from a partner or from yourself, or overwhelmed by emotions you don’t always know how to manage. Therapy can be a space to slow things down, understand what’s getting in the way, and figure out how to move forward without shame, avoidance, or self criticism taking over.
My approach is relational and psychodynamic, which means we’ll spend time understanding the deeper emotional and relational patterns shaping your experiences, not just managing symptoms at the surface. At the same time, I also believe insight alone isn’t always enough. Therapy should help you function better in your actual life, relationships, and emotional world. Alongside exploration and reflection, I often help clients build emotional regulation skills, strengthen communication, navigate conflict differently, and feel more grounded in themselves.
I’m an active therapist in the room. I’ll help us notice patterns, ask difficult questions when it feels important, and make connections that might not be obvious at first. I’m direct, but my goal is never to make you feel judged or shamed. Some sessions are deep and emotional, some are practical and grounding, and honestly, sometimes we laugh a lot too. I don't believe therapy has to feel cold, overly clinical, or emotionally distant to be meaningful.
I see therapy as a collaborative relationship where we can slow things down, get curious about what’s happening underneath the surface, and make room for more honesty, connection, and self understanding. My hope is that over time, therapy helps you feel more comfortable in your own life, more connected to the people around you, and more able to make choices that actually feel like your own.
I am currently training through the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes to become a Certified Sex Therapist and receive ongoing supervision in sex therapy and relational work. This training further informs my work around intimacy, sexuality, communication, desire, and helping clients build more connected and fulfilling relationships.
When I’m not working, I love crafting (bedazzling is my current fixation), going on long walks in Brooklyn, true crime binges with my girlfriend, and spending time with my niece.
-
Silver School of Social Work, New York University⏐Master of Social Work⏐2021
Northwestern University⏐Bachelor of Science⏐School of Education and Social Policy⏐Concentration in Human Development and Psychological Services, Minor in Psychology⏐2019
New York State Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) #099132
NPI #1548875065
-
“Pure O” OCD Subtypes: How to Identify & Treat Them
Racial, Ethnic, & Cultural Healing: Cognitive Behavioral Assessment & Treatment Approaches for Racism-Related Stress
Socratic Dialogue: Improving Therapy Outcomes
Introduction to Dialectical Behavioral Therapy
Exploring Gender Identity and Human Sexuality for Youth Workers
Treating Sexual Dysfunction Using the 4-D Wheel Model and Other Techniques
-
Therapeutic Relationship Ethics: Adapting in Our Modern World - Teletherapy and Self Disclosure⏐ContinuED
Clinical Skills: Attachment Theory & Gen Z Romantic Relationships⏐ContinuED
Hormone Cycle & Mental Health: Clinical Considerations⏐ContinuED
Featured in:
10 Books to Change Your Relationship⏐Wedding Wire
How to Navigate the Holidays During Covid-19⏐My Wellbeing
How to Survive and Thrive in the Dating World After Divorce⏐Authority Magazine
41 Telltale Signs You’ve Lost Interest in Your Partner⏐Bustle
Mental Health Advisor⏐Aavia⏐October 2022 - September 2023